The intimate time with her husband was seldom and she wanted more out of life. it was so bad I lost 50 pounds in 8 weeks.I couldnt work,lost all interest and no motivation I couldnt function .the grief and depression was so overwhelming I had to be hospitalized.Im currently getting therapy, and counseling for my grief and depression.but it still does not answer the question, why? Get your big boy pants on and realize that shes got a screw loose and youre not a mechanic. He drove all the way home at midnight. Meanwhile, I had no idea he was that unhappy and he made a very one sided decision to leave, without any therapy or discussion of reconciling. Any problem she has she phones the bloke she left me for is a condescending arse this was not the first affair ive since found out there have been 4 in the last ten years I knew about one and worked hard 6 years ago to forgive and forget . Cant sleep without the sleeping pills or wine. I am sitting in my home with four dogs and a cat while she is in another state confused and telling me she is no longer in love with me. I thought to myself what the fk? And, while cleaning up our home computer, I found a file of pics. No body cared because he said things that were not true, every time I tried to go to a hearing they would cancel it, finally after 4 months they dropped. Wow, that sucks.feel terrible that you have to go through that especially when youve been so patient with all of her disabilities. He needs space to find himself. Anger. I sought crisis respite because I did not want to be around while he packed up happily to leave. Please know that you are always free to consult with a different therapist if you feel that your current therapist is unable to meet your needs. Refuses to consider the possibility that if she actually wanted this back she would have to at least remove 100% every single reminder to me, just like she did for him when she moved him into my bed so quick Im sure he still smelt my farts lol. Im sorry you misunderstood I has been left with no rhyme or reason you can read my earlier blog. Has anyone given you a chance to tell your side of the story? I know it will all get better over time I just worry about how much damage this is doing to the kids. I asked if you need a brae thats fine but can we still be a couple she said no, she took her name off the lease fast and I noticed at night I could see she was on messenger most of the night. It does feel a little less horrible to know that were not all alone. And I am 129 lbs 5-4, & socially bi resulting from his pillow talk request, so he has had many fantasies come true. Before you know it the entire family is wiped out. I just dont want to give up because I feel like she is my other half I feel like she is the only one for me.. What have I done! Pray, Give it to God and keep Faith. He finally moved out after telling the kids he had to find true happiness. Scripture adds. Or how about when you know theyre gay, but realize they arent leaving because you are paying the bills while they go to college, work, run the roads and do his thing. It must be hard especially having little ones. I told my wife straight away (within 2 hours) out of guilt and respect. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. Or, reach out to her again. Its just an observation but she seems to have also removed all responsibility from her life its scary. I will have to let go and I cant see her changing given my history. Drinking ,infidelity and porn being the worst, both on his part. this time it was litteraly out of nowhere nobody seen it coming and on his days off which were just this week he flew to where she lives in calgary (we live in BC) to spend days off with her. You should have enough self-control and enough respect for your partner to not even go there. I rent a room now after owningy castle. What happened will always be reality for us and you will n shall strong and healthy for your children and yourself. it was no joke. Hithis is an awful thing but its so nice to read these messages and know Im not alone in feeling this heartbreak. Im in Oregon. Emotionless and distant. Also found a stack of dram idol vyles under bathroom sink. But the acceptance that he is gone from life doesnt make me hurt any less 10 weeks ago she abandon the whole entire family and moved from Texas to London England to be with him. Hope youre finding a healthy way to pass the time and keep it great for you. Eric, was the suicide a result of his relationship troubles with your ex? However we were married 7 years together for 16, and 3 kids My husband found someone 11 years younger and left me 8 weeks after meeting her!! It is amazing how they completely changed. 1. But, at the same time I have been for so many years, and still am, the focus of so much of her hate, scorn, and malice I really dont want live with that type of negativity one more day than I have to I am not a therapist. He had a bmw car which I later found out was his gfs carI think all his family know her and are aware that he loves her. ..u have given me strength. I love her so much. As hard as it can be to lose your partner, there probably is some part of you that shut down or got lost in the relationship. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, It is a real shame that my ex wife turned out to be a real filthy low life, since at that time that i was married which i was the very faithful and committed one in the relationship. He feels I am impossible to please. While it . The papers are signed. To this day I am sure she placed them there knowing I was coming. But thats just my nature. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but it doesnt work that way. Why hasnt society caught up with that? and more lately photos on the Internet with him on holiday with a past flirt that came to light on a social net work . 2. She has of course admitted adultery yet refuses to accept this in the papers and has filled against me. Wow that sounds horrible, cant believe after all those years its almost like they could erase everything you thought they were fighting for for nothing. Perhaps your husband has a personality disorder. Sometimes, experiences that create lifestyle overhauls can put new, unexpected strain on relationships. I'm not more overwhelmed by my life than I was when I was still in my marriage. Most of these illnesses stem from abandonment rejection abuse maybe we should go back to asylums. Im currently very ill as well, as she knows, and her move last night was in my view, completely cold blooded and merciless. I told him that Im willing to take him back despite of what hes done but it looks like he cant stop talking to this person. He was my rock. Keep me posted on how things are going for you. I will admit to being a bit of a pain Im a house wife and he would come home some nights and i would complain about something that happened at home during my day and it would cause a row because he felt as if I was always moaning at him. My wife and I have a 2 year old son. Or he /she is crazy!!! My wife started suffering from post partem depression around his first birthday and I have been watching her slowly recede into herself over the last 9 months. Inner wisdom can move you forward. Throughout this ordeal I have been understanding, not dramatic at all, calm and have not said much when he tries to engage me in a fight. Good luck if you think this fits him. very true. Two of my best friends over the years slept with my boyfriends and just recently after 7 years left after doing nothing short of being there by his side through all his crap. May Han, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Beaverton, Oregon, says their abandonment could be due to a past trauma being activated by something in your relationship but, that may have nothing to do with the current partner.. Where r u? And just this week has gone away with just him on a business trip over seas. Days are much better here this time around wasnt nearly as hard. My prayers are for you but know that the pain will subside with time. You cant give up hope because numbing yourself will only numb you to joy as well. You can use our website to search for another therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here: You might also consider discussing any concerns you might have with your therapist with that therapist directly. He screamed at me in front of his son when he arrived home. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. he left his family for another women who is 25 and pregnant now, she has a daughter that she lost custody of because of drugs and he is now doing drugs. Doesn't Care. If you want to get over the pain and suffering, the best thing you can do is forgive your husband and move on with your life. After all Ive been through I have not given up and please do not either. Your partner felt ignored and unappreciated. I would get upset but he insisted there was nothing wrong with it. The whole time that she was awake she was on her Kindle playing Trivia and conversing with men. She is married too and both of us have two small children. Wife of 17 years left 4mos ago. I dont owe you anything. It is natural to . But when a husband feels under-appreciated by the whole family, he's more likely to show resentment than love . You do need help, and having a friend or family member around is not only a great way for you to feel like youre not alone, but its also a better way for them to understand your pain. I have been divorced for 9 months. 21 years of marriage, two kids been together since we were 22 and 21. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. Im still learning as I grow with Noah. Take care Don. My organs were beginning to shut down, and I wound up at the hospital. About 8 years in we had a son forcing us to live with her parents on a temp basis (a year!!) More must be done. My names James, Im 25. Forgive and love, indefinitely. Please keep sharing your common senseok, so my wife of 25 years just abandoned me, posioned my boys (18 & 21) and took the dogand my (deceased) mothers piano. Next thing I know, I was finding that he had taken all my jewelry including gifts he had given me and the pink slip to the vehicle we owned together. Sign up and Get Listed. He wants us to sell our home and buy two places. I should acknowledge I don't know the details. I was with my ex wife for 18 years 13 of marriage. Anyway, I told him to just ask his mom to.borrow 20 dollars we just had to make it to that Thursday that waa payday, but he got so mad at me and moved the tv and some of his other things out immediately and told me he was leaving me because he was worth more than I gave him credit for. I still love him but at the same time I have to learn to stand by myself. We cannot figure her out this is so unlike her. The common age seems to be women in their mid thirties. Everything that was me was up in that condo in the almost 20 year relationship we fought hard to create. When I first found out he said he would never leave me but now she has said she cant live undercover. Just pity those who fall for his charm in believing in him its only a matter of time before they will find how false he is . Apparently, they had worked together at his previous location and she lived in our new location and worked in an adjacent area. Now that I have the courage and confidence to speak out about my story I want to inspire others through Mint Movement, a community for single parents, to do the same. How to cope: Try not to take too much of a righteous or moral stance. theycome to realize is this it! He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. Sadistic. She doesnt call for two days. I felt like I couldnt breathe, there was a tightness across my chest and I carried it around for months. I didnt need someone to be whole. Though I miss him and would love for him to be at home with us, he refuses to get psychological help Therefore, I believe its better hes gone. I was unable to get over a relationship Id had, for THIRTY years! Carrie and Al are actively seeking help and support. Hi Andy Our process took 3 months but shes ready to move on and man, we just have to as well. I am so desperate not knowing how to get out of it. The hits keep coming. Slept in the living room the last 3 nights because he fell asleep out there. I dont believe in god but I sure hope in karma. If there is another woman hes talking to you probably want to know that sooner than later so dont be afraid to confront him on it. Always go with your gut instinct and protect yourself until you feel safe again. Maybe that was the final straw. I totally know what you mean. Just feel like venting a bit. LOL. I did what every online blog said not to do. I have now lost my wife, my best friend and my confidant. Sometimes the warning signs of an unhappy partner are there, but you may not clearly see them. Listen Im going thru the same thing bro.fiance left me for her young boss..we have a 2 year old daughter and I went from having our own apartment to me moving back with my mother and starting over and shes still dealing with him for the past 4months now. Any certain? 3. I will not lie to you, this will not be easy, but I can promise YOU WILL feel relief from staying true to yourself. Hes 52 years old.its been 2 months of separation. Yes I was pissed beyond belief. She refuses to put in any real effort with the kids too, guess that comes as no surprise as you really have to be that way to have done THAT to them. This all may be true, but once the life goes out of the partnership, it takes a lot of work to cultivate it back to where it needs to be. As a couple, its a very TOXIC relationship , the best one can do is to GET OUT and have NO CONTACT. I am obsessed with telling his wife. Now 17 months later he leave us. But really, act like your all shocked and surprised? Then he told me he wasnt leaving anymore he chose me because I love him so much Im so confused I dont know what to do CUs know I cant trust him or if he decides to do it again. We both came from dust and we shall return to dust. I worked 2 jobs for 5 of our 7 years to put him through school. She then started refusing to answer my calls, refusing to let the kids call me either. Thank u for replying. I reached out to her parents for support. This was a choice she made and didnt care about you or your feelings or your child for that matter. now i got to know of her infidelity causing her to move out of the house, leaving the 3 grown up children with me. Sometimes you have to keep telling yourself its not you, its really them and they will get theres on there time. Is this forum legitimate? And also pointing out that you did state youll be using he/she alternately so as to not take sides which means that it could be by any partner. A week goes by and I join her for another visit for 11 days. Shortly after her I reconnected, she was diagnosed with cancer within the walls of her throat. I pay for everything. My husband was self-centered and his way or the highway, very critical and emotionally abusive, cold, cold, cold but we were always able to make up and have hung I n there 26years. My husband filed a bogus Restraining Order and threw me out if my home. Then four months later he came back and I got preganant. Six months since I left him for another man. So instead of just reading, you can actually take action. I have fantastic close friends and an even better-extended family. The effects of both of those events, coupled to an unloved / loving home run by a dictator and supported by my mothers passiveness, my sexuality was warped and I became very adept at being alone. Never ever ever I just gotta keep plugging along knowing deep down so much has gone wrong and continues and I just cant believe I brought children into this world with this person. Like dressed hair nails etc for dances. Hatred is not something u do to someone u love, even I know this. You may still love him but being gay is not a choice. I am not trying to portray myself as a prince but I have given this woman my everything,My heart my soul my compassion, my trust my loyalty,My everything.And she just shattered everything to pieces.She takes a lot of meds for her mental and Physical problems,and she is going through Menopause. she just left everything behind, to be happy somewhere else. She packed all of her things and moved in with her mother after I found out. It feels better to chat about it, too know others are going through the same thing & it does suck. Last medically reviewed on October 20, 2022. The right man will respect what you have been through, he will be patient and kind and above most understanding. Its the circle of life. Hes cut that off and I am bereft no kiss, no cuddle, no sweet goodbye when he sees me off to work. We have two children together and 2 from my previous marriage. My husband of over 14 years left two weeks ago. Soooo I look like this demise is my fault, because I wasnt invested in our marriage. I thought we had a happy life but apparently I did not have a happy wife.she never told me anything, never discussed it or mentioned it. Rather, letting go is about loosening unhealthy attachments. And he had started the attitude of battering , after unsuccessful attempts to control the situation, I reported to his mother and that worsen the situation. I had no clue what was going on behind my back. I cried a little, but I didnt beg him to stay. I resented my husband a lot during this time. I do not believe that you can just fall out of love one day as if it is completely unrelated to how each of the partners interacts with one another. Whether you broke up with them or they broke up with you, a breakup can leave you feeling heartbroken. If he doesnt respond to ONE request, then get an annulment and move on. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. I asked him to leave her alone. Im sorry that you have to go through this, but all the pain youre feeling is valid. Thats not a man.. She promised she was done . I font think Ive ever felt pain like it. Then I get her an Acadia. Marriage is a covenant and is not based on feelings. We have two girls 5 and 8. She went off to Arizona to stay with friends and get away from me. I took this announcement very badly and as I had already opened up all that shit in my mind re the abuse, neglect, etc I had a breakdown and two days later I woke up to my 3-year old self holding onto an exacto blade knife in one hand and my penis in the other as I was attempting to cut that part off of me. GoodTherapy.org is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we would like to encourage you to reach out. Then it was time for us. I begged her to stay and to come to couples counselling which she refused, telling me to go to counsell on my own Anyway things bumbled along for about 2 years then her new best friend decided to came on to me which I thought was a joke at first as that sort of thing never happens to me (my wife is the pretty one). Love yourself first before you love others. I loved my husband, I was happy. I think that when the hurt has worn off a little I will let her read this. I need some advice and to help here with my own feelings. If your husband tries to make you happy in any way, big or small (and in my experience, he will), do your best to receive the gesture and convey your pleasure at his efforts. I dont know how to be strong. (Poetic) Most importantly very little if no bias. I slowly rebuilt myself through counseling for over a year, meditation (I used the Calm app every night). I say things before I realize it and then it is just to late I want move out of state or go back to my country but, i also have a little hope that in a few months she will change her mind The morning came and he started screaming at me. It seems that 3 weeks before my writing her my history and my concerns for us, she had an affair. He has always been a terrific father. I am now about to head home and face this reality even though I didnt want to . I miss the small talk. My youngest is 3 and my older son is 6. Shes married with two children as well, and was in a comfortable marriage. He was mean, angry and a totally crazy. Whens it supposed to get better? Failure to "wake up and smell the roses". So even though this is anecdotal evidence at best, if you are suffering for so long over something traumatic that has created a lifetime of grief for you, I would suggest that you speak to a doctor about trying treatment with neurontin for a while, and seeing how you feel. It can be rough to feel as if you are on your own. With Elizabeth Vargas, PMDD Quiz: Do I Have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. And I never told her of my past until we started to drift apart sexually after the birth of our second child, which was 6 years into the marriage. He worked through the anger already. But as soon as the girls are home. Well the local man who wrecked his own marriage got to her and then she was after him. there never will be. So, we did not have that much left. He said he wanted his life back (by that he means his happy care free go out every weekend life. She sounds like shes crazy now. Our problems began about 5 months ago. He had been having an emotional connection with her for 3 years. We talked and decided to give it another try things were great at first l felt like a queen. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. I figured it just didnt work out with them but now our baby is 10 months and he does not pay bills help clean help with the kids. I rather struggle financially for awhile then live in a horrible marriage. Do something nice fir her, like send flowers and say in the note dont give up in me yet. Something that may make her reconsider. *they need to take some time for themselves For him to leave like that in the middle of the night tells me that he is very immature! I hope things are going a little better. I dont know who to treat him. Im learning that even though I love him, I cant help or change him and I deserve a man that really loves me and my kids. I feel like reason 3 and 5 go so hand in hand, which is what I did in my marriage I couldnt stand the emotional abuse anymore. I felt we became room mates and no longer husband and wife. I dont get how someone can break up their family without trying to work on the marriage. Thats were the acceptance came into play . Im wondering how you are feeling? By the time I turned 50, menopause was in full swing and took a toll on our marriage during the first year. She lied and broke my heart. 50 steps to see your kid and she couldnt be bothered, now I really lose faith. Read what happens when a) they loose their job. Wow. Now all I want is bed and tears. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. And the house. Now he is living with his parents. But in the last 7months, he abruptly changed, despises me even talking or trying to work things out. My husband left me as he fall o love with a woman online which he has never meet. You stay joyful in the midst of pain because your children will always be yours. 1. If it wasnt for my children, I would leave this earth. So, i left and walked around, when, i came back, they were not there. You knew I would do anything for those kids and yet you continue to prove our family will never be worth your time and effort or attention. 2. How can I be so blind. Its mind blowing. I know your heart is broken, but you need to understand that your husband may have left because he was unhappy and wanted something better. I have a client who went to their parents house with their young child after going through a brutal abandonment in their marriage, and they told me it was the best decision they have made, she says. I feel so hurt. Its going to cost me a fortune, but I have no choice. Actually, we were both unhappy and I had also wanted out of the relationship for a while. The aftermath, says Emma, was brutal. I genuinely believe she has and will continue to put the children in even remote danger by having what I would consider strangers move into their place.
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