LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. See the funny things people said … LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot … Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks. A new study finds heat can be effective against it. He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at hi@shareably.net. On puppies: LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? Some patients aren’t always annoying. If two people died and one is still alive … well, you do the math, There's a lot of lumber, not lumbar, in the woods, Why you should never do an autopsy on the living, Dead people tend to know more or less immediately that they're dead. Kyuties! 3. Just as judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. The responses were pretty darn funny! Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the craziest things. How memorable, you might ask? Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. - April 20, 2016. It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? Whether you're in the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, it's a tense and nail-biting environment. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. WITNESS: Thank you. LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? GORDON J: A big change of attitude. 50+ Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think. Can you give us an example of something you forgot? What school did you go to? Subscribe and Help Me Hit 4,000,000 little cuties! LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways. LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Witness: "Not yet." Witness: Yes. LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? "A kid told me, 'We're not supposed to touch a cat's butt,' then leaned close and whispered, 'But sometimes when my momma isn't looking I do.'" WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Other times, the people across the aisle say such mind-numbingly stupid things that there's no point in calling their words anything other than nonsense. For more laughs, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. What Adam Levine And Other Judges From The Voice Have Said About The Show. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. © 2020 Galvanized Media. © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. Tex., 2001). ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. ^^ Watch Me Look At Funny And Savage Things Said! MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. Please SHARE this with your friends and family. WITNESS: All of them. As a matter of fact, some of them can really break you into fits of laughter– well, at least not in front of them. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. ADVERTISEMENTS. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. Can we get this video to 5K LIKES?! Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. First way to identify a murder victim: Are they dead currently? Both can alter your immune response in the long run. WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). And for more trivia, learn the 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. NurseLife; 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than … “I never said a word” the … LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? ATTORNEY: You forget? There’s never a reason not to make a pun. – Anton Chekhov. LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? 1 / 4. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? So that you have a complete set, here are the dregs from the barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook. On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! Can you do the thing you just said you couldn't do? We have seen submissions. And let’s admit it, some of the funny things kids say really amuse us. LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—. Judge Joke 1. As anesthesia wears off, patients might not be thinking as clearly. WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.". Yes, believe it or not, it really does happen. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? And it may close all of its retail locations. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. That question should be taken out and shot. The guys are so fun. Lawyer: And in … Rozzette Cabrera, R.N. Daschel Hammet would have been proud. He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. LAWYER: And Mr.… It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Anyone can go on a vacation. – Ann Landers. WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. The live ones put up too much of a fight. Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. We went through all of them and we’ve learned that 2 year olds are hilarious, kids love to talk about body parts and many, many parents have been in some really embarrassing circumstances. How do we know this? Since both of us have stakes in the appointment of members of the higher judiciary, the consultation of both of them is absolutely necessary. The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. But here are the journeys that will stir your soul. All rights reserved. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. Maybe not these people though. Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." 1. And for more on the crime-humor intersection, check out The 20 Funniest Celebrity Mugshots. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. Sometimes we have brain farts. Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? Home NurseLife 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. Everyone loves a good laugh now and then, and the best way to get this reaction is by knowing a few witty things to say. 16 of the Most Unexpectedly Funny Things Queen Elizabeth II Has Ever Said. And for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. Relive the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs. Poor cells 2. We have a great time off-camera, too, just being in the talent compound with everyone hanging out. LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? Because most trials have stenographers recording everything being said; they write down the good and the bad, and occasionally the ridiculous. LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 7. Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. Here are 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time. 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia . Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny." For more hilarity, read up on these The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? By. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. All Rights Reserved. What school did you go to? Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?" Don’t be negative, Warren. Weird children say weird stuff. There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. – Ann Landers. GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? For more laughs, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. Funny Judge Jokes. Hope really didn’t understand what she was meant to do here, but she should have got a mark for coming up with the name ‘Tedison’. The government must have a say… LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, okay? Can I get a new attorney? LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you? February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. ... Danny Masterson Harassment Suit Must Go Through Scientology Mediation, Judge Rules. https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-court-reports-disorder-in-court Read full article. Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. Now, you can read the funny, strange things children Their intrinsic craving for learning and curiosity always seems to get them questioning […] WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. OTHER LAWYER: Objection. LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. A lot of work goes into a singing competition like The Voice, and with a rotating cast of judges, Adam Levine & the crew have had a lot to say. Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" Witness: "It was in the evening. In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy. Next, don't miss the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Funny Things to Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? Bradshaw v. Unity Marine (S.D. lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. WITNESS: Thank you.